i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
