I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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