Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
