Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
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Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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