Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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