yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
