this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Boobs speak an international language.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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