I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
