it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
