My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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