I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize