i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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