i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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