Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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