I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize