went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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