Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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