The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
