Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
