Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's blow job season.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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