OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
