1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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