It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
