the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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