I wanna bring you to show and tell
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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