My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
