I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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