can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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