If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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