I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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