Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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