did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
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I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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