I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
