I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
