She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
