Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
