Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
