I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
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We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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