A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize