Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i barfeds in our rink
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize