Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
