they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
