is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
