I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
