well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
