I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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