2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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