so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i think i just lost a toe
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
