just survived the first fart of the relationship.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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