blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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