; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Randomize
