Apparently you make a good broom.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
