You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
