ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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