If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
