im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize