i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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