Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
