who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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