I skipped work to stalk him.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
