I smell stomach acid.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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