I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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