That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
