just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize