I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
