when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
