you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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